There was an article in the Harvard Business Review quite a few years ago that’s become something of a classic, entitled “Management Time: Who’s Got The Monkey?”

The piece described a scenario wherein employees walk into a manager’s office, lay a problem (or “monkey”) off on the manager’s back, and then stroll out again. In short, the point was that managers should delegate more effectively, which meant not allowing everyone to pass off their monkeys. Interesting metaphor, and it came to mind in a slightly different context recently when I was dealing with my bank.

I was trying to do something relatively simple (or so I thought): stop a monthly automatic debit that had been set up to automatically pay the office rent. Lease was up, no need to keep paying. Yet, I couldn’t figure out how to do it online. And the kind folks on the 800 customer service line couldn’t figure out how to do it, so they referred me to the e-banking service people. The e-banking rep didn’t know how to do it, and sent me back to the 800 customer service line.

So here’s the question: who had the monkey? It appeared to me that they weren’t just passing the monkey back and forth; they were keeping it at arm’s length.

Hmmm. What to do?

So I called a teller at a local branch, Sharon, who had been helpful in the past. She listened patiently to make sure she understood. Then she took the monkey. Sharon owned the issue. She took it upon herself to call the internal departments that could help stop the automatic debits. She told me what was supposed to happen, and when. Then she called me back to confirm it had happened.

That’s customer service! Of course, it wasn’t because of which bank I was using. It was actually in spite of the bank I was using. The only reason the right thing happened was because of a person with the right attitude. Sharon owned my issue. Sharon figured it out, and Sharon made sure it turned out right.

Think about your customers and their issues. When they bring a monkey into your store, your office, or onto your website, who’s willing to take it? If you’re not sure you know, there’s a good chance there are a lot of monkeys jumping all over the place, and some confused, angry customers.

I just got back from three days on a business junket of sorts in the Big Easy. I’ve been to NOLA a few times and the after-effect is always the same: I need some sleep.

Retailers everywhere – from the big boxes to the corner mom and pop store – universally struggle to deliver a consistent experience that meets or exceeds the customers’ expectations. Yet I would argue that the little town at the end of the mighty Mississippi delivers just that to visitors. Despite dishing up a smorgasbord of services – from high-end cuisine, to loud, live music and tankards of cheap hurricanes (the drink not the weather phenonenom), to certain pay-to-play activities I won’t mention here – the city that almost drowned manages to do it in a consistent spirit and energy, leaving almost all its visitors happy and wanting more. Though one must leave after a few days to catch one’s breath, most will become repeat customers.

And isn’t customer retention the name of the game?

Yes, the city has challenges: Katrina struck a huge blow, the government is rarely in full working order, and there’s a might socio-economic disparity among locals.

So, why does it work? Why do people swear by this city? I think it’s about spirit, not mechanics. It’s not scripted, it’s not “Disney-fied.” For the most part, it’s still authentic. And people can taste that – not just in the food, and the drink, but in every aspect of the experience.

So what’s your “spirit?” If you don’t know, and if all you have are scripts and processes, you may be in trouble. Take a trip south and do some field work. Walk down Bourbon and then branch off. There’s something to learn down there.

I’ve recently heard folks (”experts”) saying that they think business owners are sick of hearing about customer experience. The point, I’m hearing, is to generate revenue, or to “move product,” not get all touchy feely with customers.

They’re missing the point.

Put simply: if you’re a business owner, customer experience is not an optional issue. It exists. For better or worse, you have a “customer experience.” It doesn’t matter what type of business, what type of industry – retail, professional services, financial, online, etc. If you have customers, you have a customer experience. Ignoring it doesn’t change the fact that you’re customers are either enjoying or suffering through it. It doesn’t change the fact that the nature of your experience is creating a customer perception, and consequently a behavior (buy, don’t buy, stay, leave, refer, complain).

By ignoring the quality of your customer experience, you will suffer the consequences. And guess what? Those consequences reflect directly on generating revenue, and “moving product.”

So ignore customer experience at your peril. But at least do it with your eyes open. In this case, ignorance ain’t bliss.

This was passed my way through email the other day. You may have seen it, and I can’t claim for its veracity, but I’d like to believe it’s real. It’s the letter of a 98 year old woman to her bank after they dinged her with a penalty. Apparently it was published in The Times in London. Real or not, it’s a great lesson to businesses who want to serve customers the right way (i.e. as humans), and also for not underestimating the intelligence of your customers, no matter who they are:

Dear Sir,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it.. . I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years..  You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.  I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.  From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.

My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.  Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.  Please find attached an Application
Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.  I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.  Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.  I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.  As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.  When you call me, press buttons as follows:

1 – To make an appointment to see me.

2 – To query a missing payment.

3 – To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4 – To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5 – To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6 – To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7 – To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required.  A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact..)

8 – To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.

9 – To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client

In talking with a number of different (primarily professional services) business owners over the last few weeks, the essence of great customer experience really came to the fore. The focus of the conversation was the ideal outcome of an improved customer experience. The typical answer always includes “keep more customers.”

That’s a fine goal, and it really is raising the same challenge – especially in highly competitive industries like investment advising, accounting and legal: how do you create such a strong and positive connection with your customers, that they don’t even want to listen to other professionals trolling for their business?

I have an investment advisor who I’ve used for about 15 years. My portfolio has gone up and down through all the market upheavals of recent years. But I know what my guy stands for; I know his strategy. And I know that he’s looking out for my best interest. I don’t know exactly what he charges me (I know it’s reasonable, but don’t bother knowing the specifics). So when I get calls from other investment professionals, I tell them to not waste their breath. “I have a guy,” I say. “And there’s no way I’m changing.” End of discussion.

So what’s it take to get that level of commitment from your customers, the level of commitment that takes all other offers out of contention? A lot. But it helps if you start with that question for your own business: “How can I create a customer perception that is so strong, it eliminates all competition?”

And it’s never price.